the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
