So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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