We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
