no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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