True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
