I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
