Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just had sex bonerless
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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