Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
