Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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