pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize