he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
