I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Bring me that man meat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
