conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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