At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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