remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
