is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
