FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
