dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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