Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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