we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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