4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
