is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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