Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think my fart just growled at me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
