It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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