i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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