I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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