Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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