it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
