I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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