can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
