last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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