so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
