You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
