Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
