I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
