We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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