I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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