You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
