I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
