You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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