I faked an abortion last night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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