Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
