i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
