the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
