if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
