This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
