it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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