i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize