the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I died a long time ago.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
