I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
