I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
