I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
