Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
