i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
