He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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