Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
