This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
