She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
