i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
