Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
