I just pynch a tree in the face
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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