My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
