I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
