im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
