when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
