You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have already put on my inside pants.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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