I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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