I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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