apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
