Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
