I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
