you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
