you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
