people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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