I wish I could punch you in the face.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
