Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
