Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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